DOA2: D'oh or Alive
by Bankotsubo
Summary: Everyones favourite family meets everyones favourite fighters.


DISCLAIMER: Tecmo own everything DOA related. 20th Century Fox and maybe Matt Groening own The Simpsons.  
  
  
DOA2: D'oh or Alive  
  
[Tengu and Hayate are sat inside their apartment watching TV. "The Simpsons" (Episode AABF06: Vivi Ned Flanders) is on]  
  
Flanders  
How do you do it, Homer? How do you silence that little voice that says, "Think?"  
  
Homer  
You mean Lisa?  
  
Flanders  
Oh no, I mean common sense!  
  
Homer  
Oh, that. That can be treated with our good friend alcohol. You might want to write that down.  
  
[Tengu begins squirming about on the couch]  
  
Tengu  
Why are they yellow?  
  
Hayate  
Why are who yellow?  
  
Tengu  
The Simpsons; why are they yellow?  
  
Hayate  
*groans* I don't know!  
  
Tengu  
Oh.  
  
[They continue to watch the programme. After a few moments, Tengu starts squirming again]  
  
Hayate  
Oh, God! What now?!  
  
Tengu  
If Flanders is supossed to be 60-years-old, then how come in Episode 4F07, Hurricane Neddy, his childhood therapist said that-  
  
Hayate  
Look! I don't know, alright! Just shut up and lemme watch the damn show!  
  
Tengu  
...  
  
Hayate  
Thank you!  
  
[Tengu gets off the couch and wanders off into the kitchen]  
  
Hayate  
Bliss! *lies back* Ah!  
  
[Suddenly, the doorbell rings]  
  
Tengu  
*walking into the room* I'll get it!  
  
[He opens the door. The Simpsons are standing outside]  
  
Marge  
Uh, hi, my name is Marge Simpson. Sorry to bother you, but could you tell us where Room 407 is?  
  
Tengu  
Oh my God! It's the Simpsons!  
  
Hayate  
*running to the door* Holy crap on a stick! How ya doing, folks?!  
  
Homer  
Marge, I need to use the bathroom.  
  
Marge  
Oh, for Godsake Homer, just wait until we get to our room.  
  
Hayate  
Your room?  
  
Marge  
Yes, thats right. We're moving in.  
  
Tengu  
Wow! The Simpsons are moving into our apartment! This is fabulous!  
  
Bart  
Woah, man! Look at the size of that guy's nose!  
  
Maggie  
*suck, suck*  
  
Lisa  
Ew, and I thought Mr. Burns had a big nose!  
  
Tengu  
Hey! Make 'em stop!  
  
Homer  
Bart! Lisa! Don't be so mean to the freakin' freak!  
  
Tengu  
Hey!  
  
Marge  
Homer! Please!  
  
Homer  
Sorry, Marge.  
  
Marge  
I'm awfully sorry about this.  
  
Hayate  
That's okay. Did you say that you were looking for Room 407?  
  
Marge  
Yeah, is it on this floor?  
  
Hayate  
Actually, its just next door. This is Room 406.  
  
Marge  
Oh.  
  
Hayate  
Look's like we're neighbours!  
  
Homer  
D'oh!  
  
Hayate  
Woohoo!  
  
Bender  
Bite my shiny metal ass!  
  
Tengu  
Huh? Where'd that come from?  
  
[Everyone looks around]  
  
Tengu  
Eh, nevermind.  
  
[Later that day... In the Simpsons new apartment]  
  
Homer  
Marge, I can't find my pants.  
  
Marge  
Homer, you're wearing them.  
  
Homer  
Oooh, oh yeah! *sighs*  
  
Marge  
Aw, what's the matter, Homie?  
  
Homer  
I guess I'm feeling a bit homesick. Why'd we have to leave Springfield anyway?  
  
Marge  
Because we wanted to start a new life here in Boston, remember?  
  
Homer  
Oh yeah, plus they fired me from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, and swore I'd never work in that town again. Damn bastards!  
  
Marge  
Yeah...  
  
Homer  
Well, I'm going out to Moe's for a beer.  
  
Marge  
*clears her throat* Um, Homer... Boston?  
  
Homer  
D'oh!  
  
[Just then, the door knocks. Marge answers it. Hayate is standing outside]  
  
Marge  
Oh, hello. You're that nice man from next door, right?  
  
Hayate  
Yes, I was just passing, and I thought I'd invite you all round to dinner tomorrow night. That is, if you're not too busy or anything.  
  
Marge  
Sure, we'd love to come. Right, Homie?  
  
Homer  
*groans* Do we have to?  
  
Hayate  
Then I'll set five extra places at the table tomorrow. G'night, Mrs. Simpson.  
  
Marge  
Good night. *shuts the door* What a polite young man.  
  
[The following night... Hayate and Tengu are sat at the dinner table. The doorbell rings and Hayate gets up to answer it]  
  
Hayate  
That'll be them. Okay, make sure you behave properly tonight Tengu. We don't want a repeat of what happened during that party last February.  
  
Tengu  
Hey, do you have to bring that incident into every conversation we have?!  
  
[Hayate opens the door. The Simpsons are there]  
  
Marge  
Good evening! We're not too early, are we?  
  
Hayate  
No, of course not! Come in!  
  
Homer  
*walks in* Geez, what smells?!  
  
Bart  
Your feet!  
  
Homer  
*strangles Bart* Why you little...!  
  
Hayate  
I hope you're all hungry, cause we're having pork chops!  
  
Homer  
*letting go of Bart* Mmmm... porkchops! *he sits at the dinner table with Tengu* Ergh, does your ugly pet here haveta eat with us?  
  
Tengu  
Ugly?! Pet?! I am so disgusted!  
  
Hayate  
Silence, Fido! *laughs* It's okay, he won't bite.  
  
Tengu  
Wha?!  
  
Hayate  
I'll just go get the food. *walks off into the kitchen*  
  
Bart  
Dad, can I give Milhouse a call later?  
  
Homer  
Why?  
  
Bart  
Cause he's my best friend. I gotta know what's going on back in Springfield.  
  
Homer  
You don't need that four eyed jerk now, boy. You can make new friends!  
  
Bart  
Aw! *looks at Tengu* Hey, Concord, are there any kids living in this apartment?  
  
Tengu  
I 'unno.  
  
Bart  
Well, do you and your husband have any kids of your own?  
  
Tengu  
Husband?!  
  
Hayate  
*walking in with a tray of food* Grubs up! *hands out the food*  
  
[The Simpsons start devouring their food very quickly. Hayate and Tengu look on in amazement]  
  
Tengu  
Do these people have no manners?! We're supposed to say grace first!  
  
Maggie  
*suck, suck*  
  
Hayate  
*eating slowly* So, how do you folks like Boston?  
  
Homer  
*eating* Can't talk! Eating!  
  
[Later that evening]  
  
Marge  
Well, that was very nice. But we really oughta be getting back.  
  
Hayate  
Oh, yeah! Certainly!  
  
Marge  
We should do it again sometime.  
  
Hayate  
Oh, yeah! Certainly!  
  
Homer  
But next time, put the brown fatso to bed early.  
  
Hayate  
Oh, yeah! Certainly!  
  
[The Simpsons leave. Hayate walks back into the kitchen where Tengu is sitting]  
  
Hayate  
That went rather well, don't you think?  
  
Tengu  
It sucked ass! I hate that little brat!  
  
Hayate  
Bart... His name was Bart.  
  
Tengu  
*frowns* I'm going to bed!  
  
[The next morning, Hayate opens the front door of his apartment to see the Simpsons with a load of suitcases]  
  
Hayate  
Going on vacation already? Heh, have a good one!  
  
Marge  
Uh, actually, we're moving out.  
  
Hayate  
What?! You had enough already?!  
  
Homer  
Place sucks... People suck...  
  
Marge  
Boston just isn't for us. We're going back to Springfield.  
  
Hayate  
But I thought there was nothing left for you in Springfield anymore. What changed?  
  
Marge  
My little boy Bart here gave his friend a call last night. It seems that Mr. Burns has died, and so Mr. Smithers has taken over the power plant. He's hiring new employees, so Homer is gonna change his identity and try to apply for a job as safety inspector.  
  
Homer  
*smiles* I got the idea when I noticed the oven was hot!  
  
Hayate  
I sure am gonna miss you guys. You'll stay in touch, right?  
  
Marge  
...Sure.  
  
[The Simpsons walk off down the corridor]  
  
Homer  
Man, that guy was worse than Flanders!  
  
Hayate  
*sighs* Oh, well... *walks back inside his apartment* Tengu, you up yet?  
  
Tengu  
*walks into the living room* Was that the Simpsons that I just heard?  
  
Hayate  
Yeah, they're going back home.  
  
Tengu  
*grins* Yippee! *looks at Hayate* I mean, oh, how sad.  
  
Hayate  
*sighs* I'm going out for a walk.  
  
[Hayate walks towards the front door, but the phone rings. He answers it]  
  
Hayate  
Hello, Room 406.  
  
Caller  
Is there a Miss Doper there? Last name; Tunity?  
  
Hayate  
Doper Tunity? *looks around the room* Doper Tunity! Is there a Miss Doper Tunity here?!  
  
Caller  
Hahahahahahahaha!  
  
Hayate  
Wait-a-minute! It's you isn't it, ya little dick! If I getta hold o' you, I'm gonna saw your legs off with a chainsaw and let you bleed out of your ass for several days without food!  
  
Caller  
Don't have a cow, man!  
  
Hayate  
*putting the phone down* Argh! What a crappy day!  
  
Tengu  
Oooh, Hayate, get the popcorn! It's almost time for our favourite TV show... The Simpsons!  
  
Hayate  
Excellent!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END  
  
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End file.
